South Africa

The moment I stept off the plane I knew I was home in South Africa. Yes, the smells, people, activity and atmosphere was that of long ago memories that I had forgotten after all these years. It has been a number of years since I last visited my home country and realise how much I miss it. However...I do not feel that it is my home anymore.

Yesterday, we completed my mother's move out of my childhood home. Another family will now make it there own and start new memories.

My how it's changed here. In every respect right down to my sister, Karen.

Late last Friday she had suffered a ischemic stroke that has left her immobile with severe damage to the right side of her brain which has affected her memory, speech and mobility. She did not remember what happened, nor that she broke her leg and is confused as to who we are. This has devastated my mum, not to mention the rest of us especially her husband and kids.

She has been moved to a new hospital that specialises in this sort of rehabilitation and my mum's plans to move for retirement has now been altered for an undetermined time period.

There is little to say. What can you say? Mita said to me last night that in times like this we must be brave and hold as much hope as we can for Karen's speedy recovery, but honestly they are really hollow words for me. Again, what else can we do but hope. We say it all the time, but it doesn't help how I feel right now.

Being home is wonderful seeing people I haven't seen for years including Karen. She has greyed and is older looking than I remember. Even from the pictures I've seen. But she has always retained her youthful look in body, taking care of herself. Now what does she see? Or can she even see anything and know what it is? She is only three years older than me and already having to travel a road of long recovery that her doctors say it short of miraculous that she be the same before this stroke. I got the honest truth with no sugar coating poured over the diagnosis. Doctors are honest with one another and one of the draw backs of having a doctor for a relative. In my case a husband.

Andrew was right, there is nothing here anymore. I do want to be with my sister and we spoke about it for a while last night as I cried over the phone. But do not know what to do.

I miss them so much and want to come home.